Faith

Nothing in this life is permanent. Situations no matter how difficult or trying last forever, and people no matter how much you love them will ever escape this world alive. On September 11th at 5:25pm Kerby slipped away from this world, at home, surrounded by his family. Kerby’s long struggle with cancer ended on that day, but one could not say that cancer was victorious. What separated Kerby, what defined him, his life, and his day-to-day existence was his faith. Faith in God, faith in his family, faith in his friends was the core of what allowed Kerby to live and die with respect, dignity and an overwhelming belief that death was not the ending, but indeed a new beginning.

Faith was not a noun to Kerby, something that meant to simply believe. Faith was a verb, an action statement, calling out to be realized, to be acted upon. I can honestly say that I learned more about living from Kerby’s dying than I have in the previous 38 years. What I learned from was to have faith, to simplify, and to love. Kerby excelled in all of these. Even when cancer was taking away his strength, his energy and his life, he never once complained to me. When I asked him if he was in pain, his answer every single time was same…“I feel a little pressure.” When faced with daunting task of planning for a future that he would ultimately not be a part of, he had faith that God would provide, but also knew that did not mean sitting around and waiting for it to happen. When we would eat lunch together, his phone never stopped ringing. He always answered it as if the person on the other end was his closest friend, and always with a smile. These calls were supposed to be from other people calling to give him strength and solace, but I always got the feeling that the person on the other end of the line got an equal measure of what they gave. Kerby had a way of doing that, of turning the tables on you. Just when you thought you were the one providing a shoulder to cry, or laugh on you felt your emotional tanks being filled.

Above all I know that Kerby had faith in where he was going. It was that faith that gave him the strength to let go. He had faith that his place was with God, faith that his family would continue when he could not continue with them, faith that his friends would remember him and hold fast to the memories that they shared.

Kerby’s favorite Hymn was “How Sweet to die.” I think it is fitting and succinctly says what he would tell each of us about life if he had the chance to do so.

Farewell, vain world, I'm going home, My Savior bids me come
Sweet angels beckon from on high
Then, O how sweet to die

I'm glad that I am born to die, from grief my soul shall fly,
Sweet angles beckon from on high
Then, O how sweet to die

I'll praise my Savior while I've breath, I'll praise Him after death,
I'll praise His matchless name on high
Then, O how sweet to die

I soon shall pass this vale of death, when I shall lose my breath,
And then my happy soul shall fly,
Then, O how sweet to die.

Liver Encephalopathy

Liver Encephalopathy

(self diagnosis, which is why it isn't good to be an internet doc!)


Liver encephalopathy (portal-systemic encephalopathy, hepatic encephalopathy, hepatic coma) is a disorder in which brain function deteriorates because toxic substances normally removed by the liver build up in the blood.
Substances absorbed into the bloodstream from the intestines pass through the liver, where toxins are normally removed. Many of these toxins are normal breakdown products of the digestion of protein. In liver encephalopathy, toxins are not removed because liver function is impaired. Also, some toxins may bypass the liver altogether through connections formed between the portal venous system (which supplies blood to the liver) and the general (systemic) venous system as a result of liver disease. A surgical bypass (portal-systemic shunt) to correct portal hypertension may have the same effect. Whatever the cause, the outcome is the same: Toxins can pass to the brain and affect its function. Exactly which substances are toxic to the brain is not known; however, high levels of protein breakdown products in the blood, such as ammonia, appear to play a role.
In a person with long-standing (chronic) liver disease, encephalopathy is usually triggered by an event such as an acute infection or an alcoholic binge, which increases liver damage. Or encephalopathy may be triggered by eating too much protein, which increases the levels of protein breakdown products in the blood. Bleeding in the digestive tract, such as from dilated, twisted veins in the esophagus (esophageal varices), can also lead to a buildup of protein breakdown products, which may directly affect the brain. Certain drugs—especially some sedatives, analgesics, and diuretics—may also trigger encephalopathy. When such a precipitating cause is removed, the encephalopathy may disappear.

I am trying to post once again on my blog. This has been extremely difficult for me because my brain function is having a difficult time maintaining some sense or normalacy. I have been on the computer I know for hours today trying to get this done. It is ironic how my brain seemed so withit and now I can't seem to formulate an opinion. Appraently from what I am getting the toxins are becoming hard to deal with. I am told by my brother (hospice nurse) normal. I work a lot at trying to keep things in order in my mind. I am falling more than I desire and have obtained a walking cain so I dont end up in an ERI situation unnecessarily. I am taking morphine and that seems to knocking a bit of the edge off. No pain to speak of, rather I know this body cannot take a whole lot physically. Course, been proven wrong before. Sorry about all the type'0s and hope you can read betweeen the lines.

God continues to give me a great amount of strength. As Margaret has said, I am working on not letting brusises take over my every bump into the wall. Keep us in your prayers... as I know you have. ICE CHIPS are my buddy right now. along with all of your and your strength.

Love to all. Will help to keep you up to date as I am able.

Much love,

Kerby

Beach Bound

I recently found out my cortisol levels are still up, so we are taking my meds to the maximum to reduce the cortisol. Hopefully it will work as the next step will be to add different meds to control the Cushing's Monster. My liver function is beginning to show some signs of deteriation from the tumors taking over my liver. This is to be expected. I am up to 38 pills per day at my last check. Quite a few pills, but at least it is keeping my quality of life up.

Kris has planned a week get-away to the North Carolina coast for our summer vacation with the children. We will be leaving early tomorrow morning (Friday). I am going to take some extra pain meds to help with the travel down and back so I can be as comfortable as possible. The children are excited about our trip and I anticipate some good memories from this trip. I cannot begin to express the blessings we continue to receive from God. This trip could never be possible except from the wonderful giving of close friends. Until we return...

Doctor Visit This Week

I went to the good doctor this week and we looked over the latest CT scans. Certainly have grown quite a bit from three months ago. We also have changed the pain meds to something longer acting so I won't have to take the vicodin quite as often. Not in any real pain just continue to be uncomfortable. The meds are helping a lot. We also are in the process of having my cortisol levels checked again to make sure it is in the normal range. These tests will be continuous to help maintain the best feeling of health possible. My sleep is much better, but am tired still a lot. Of course I am always saying I am fatigued, that won't change anytime soon. My wife the kids and I are planning a trip to the beach next week and with the new meds I am hopeful getting there won't be too much drain on my body. Once we are there I can sit back and just relax. It will be great for the kids to have a summer vacation away from home, and they have always enjoyed the beach. No complaints here. I am blessed to be where I am and have such wonderful support from friends and family.

A Little Uncomfortable

I am not feeling as well lately. I had a CT scan done last week and the results: "the tumors are growing". No surprise to me as I am feeling them more and more, especially in my back and side. I am very thankful for Vicodin (pain meds) of late! Waking up these days I don't feel good so I take some Vicodin and feel much better with-in an hour or so. I take a couple of them through out the day to smooth things out.

I am not in any significant pain to speak of. More annoying pressure than anything. Sleep has been some what erratic, but what is new? I sleep okay some nights, other nights I don't. I take naps some days and others I don't seem to know how to get out of bed. I suppose it is just the nature of the beast.
I am very thankful to have the ability to be home with my wife and children and relax as much as needed. No pressure when I am unable to get to sleep or sleep poorly.

God is so gracious to me and my family. I often wonder why, but am so grateful.

Better sleep...

Saw my endocrinologist last week and found out my cortisol is up as expected. We have doubled the amount of meds for reducing the cortisol with the hopes we can continue to keep it under control. I have been sleeping a lot more lately. Probably a good indication the meds are working. I can feel more and more pressure from the tumors in my liver, although I am very blessed not to be experiencing any pain with the exception of the occasional headache. God continues to bless our family more than we deserve. We appreciate everyones thoughts and prayers for us, they are being answered.

Angel Lily

A very good friend of mine recently lost her mother to MS. My wife and I bought her a Peace Lily to keep in her home as a reminder of her mother. The first flower that came out on the Lily opened like wings of an angel. I took some pictures to share. A little camera magic for the halo. :o)